Shabbat Thoughts- Visiting the in-laws

You might have seen a TV commercial featuring a family dinner. One man is wearing an  Oakland Raiders jersey while his wife’s entire family is proudly wearing Kansas City Chiefs clothes. It's an effective TV commercial. We have all experienced tense table time and we can identify with being the ‘newly-invited one’. Deep rivalries and earnest fandom make sense to the viewing audience. Throw in the idea of a strong American streak of independence and the admiration we have for people who swim against the current and you have an effective and memorable TV spot. 

       Why shouldn't a man be able to wear whatever he wants? Why should he have to mask his love and loyalties simply because he is at a family gathering? After all, it is a free country and people are entitled to walk and talk and think anyway they choose. Yes, we Americans all live in a free country and we do have rights.

       However, anyone visiting the “in-laws”  can understand the need for diplomacy and tact. Even taking into account the value that we place in having pride in one’s own identity, when we live within a family we all have to compromise. Sometimes we do better by being less obvious in our personal expression. We might realize that being provocative for the sake of being provocative does not contribute to a stable family experience.

        This week’s Parshah, Vayeshev, introduces us to another famous garment and tense family setting. Jacob loves Joseph and gives him some type of ornamented or striped tunic. (The Hebrew mentions stripes and does not mention ‘colors’- that may be the result of Andrew Lloyd Webber and others’ interpretations). Within one verse the brothers begin to hate Joseph and within a few short paragraphs the brothers beat him, strip him naked, throw him into pit and then sell him into slavery. Is the garment incendiary enough that it would cause such a reaction? Think of the son-in-law in the TV spot. It’s plausible that his in-laws would beat him up and sell him as a slave. It is not the colors of the garment but the symbolism behind the garment that matters.

        Jacob’s favoritism of Joseph was as deeply hurtful to the brothers as the insensitivity of the Raiders’ fan was to the in-laws. Favoritism rubs us all the wrong way. It violates our sense of fairness which is deeply rooted; almost as deeply rooted as loyalty and love.

         If only Jacob had exercised the same type of tact that this Raiders’ fan could have shown. Then the family dinner would have potentially gone off without a hitch and Joseph might not have been sold into slavery. Of course, without Joseph as viceroy the entire family would have possibly perished from the drought in Canaan. That’s a different story and the voice of Torah might say “Steven, be careful with monkeying around with major elements such as these.” I would reply that I come from a long line of Rabbis whose legacy it is to prompt questioning. If we learn from the TV commercial or the Parshah to exercise greater thoughtfulness within our families , who knows- we might just eliminate future family crises. 

        How grand that would be!

Shabbat Shalom.

Shabbat Thoughts- Emotional Needs

One week ago many of us gathered together to celebrate Thanksgiving. It’s a family holiday and we all cherish the opportunity of sharing table time. However, even as many of us were decorating our tables and beginning to bake and cook, many Jewish people were nearly weeping over the travesty done, one week prior, by Israel security personnel who nearly succeeded in blockading Reform rabbis and laypeople from entering the Kotel plaza. In commemoration of the ordination of five Israeli Reform rabbis, a delegation from the United States had traveled to Israel. After the ordination ceremony at the Hebrew Union College in Jerusalem, a group of people had walked to the Kotel to pray. Carrying a Torah in his arms, Rabbi Richard Jacobs was accosted by security personnel. Eventually, he and a group of people managed to enter the Kotel plaza. Most painfully, the newspaper articles indicated that Jewish people had struck other Jewish people intending to pray. Such shocking and disgusting behavior!

         This comes on the heels of protracted negotiations which first began 5 years ago. Some of us remember Anatoly Sharansky, head of the Jewish Agency, as having been instrumental in negotiating the establishment of a section for mixed-gender access to the Kotel. After four years of painstakingly complex negotiations between representatives of the Conservative movement, Reform movement, Women of the Wall and the Israeli Government, a decision to share the Kotel plaza had been finalized.  

         About 5 months go the Israeli government reneged on its promises to allow Conservative, Reform rabbis and mixed groups opportunity and access. Championing the Orthodox party line the  large men's and smaller women's sections will remain for the foreseeable future. In light of this exceptionally disturbing, painful and offensive decision many Jewish people now see themselves as cut off from the holiest site in the world. 

         Divisions between Jews have been the stuff of legend and history for centuries. During the Second Temple we saw conflict between Pharisees, Sadducees, Sicarii, Zealots, Am ha-aretz and others. During the Maccabeean period, soon coming to mind when we celebrate Chanukah, conflict arose between Hasmonean loyalists and assimilationist Jews who wished to become more Syrian at the expense of being Jewish. The well-known joke of a Jewish man marooned on a desert island with two synagogues no longer brings laughter to my face. Such divisiveness emerges from people who are more devoted to principle than human beings.

         And which principle could be greater than human beings? 

 

         Not only in the American public sphere is there a loss of civil discourse. In Israel, and between Israel and many American Jews, we see walls rising-walls cutting off our breath and even the sight of each other. Such walls of ‘principle’ only promote violence and destruction. We can no longer live this way; solely hearing our own opinions and inserting fingers into our ears as we did when we were children. For Jews to survive (and all of us, too) we must be able to open our minds to the possibility that someone else has a legitimate viewpoint.

         This week Jews throughout the world read Parshat Vayishlach. With great anxiety and fear, Jacob journeys towards his estranged and aggressive brother, Esau. Drawn home, Jacob anticipates an extremely hostile reunion. As he approaches the old homestead, he does not know if he will survive the potential conflict. Astoundingly, Esau welcomes him warmly and offers to travel alongside. Perhaps Jacob, wounded from his immediate conflict with the angel and still suffering the scars of 20 years of carrying fear, resentment and grudges in his heart, cannot bear such a life and therefore steps way from Esau.

          Both brothers had harbored distrust and enmity. Ultimately, each had encountered the other and the resulting encounter surprised them both. Like all of us Jacob and Esau had desired to come home. It is one of the greatest human emotional needs. Will we ever be able to establish a shared home?

 Shabbat  Shalom.

Rabbi Steve Silberman

Torah Tidbits

Torah Tidbits and Haftarah Highlights

By Rabbi Steven Silberman

(All page numbers refer to Etz Hayim)

Dec. 2 - Parshat Vayishlach - pp. 206-213 Terrifyingly, Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, is raped in this reading. How does Jacob respond to the rape of his lone daughter? How do her brothers respond?

Haftarat Vayishlach - pp. 222-225 This is the shortest book in the entire Bible! It is one chapter long! Obadiah famously speaks to Edom which is the tribe that emerges from Esau (Jacob’s twin brother). Edom is kin to Israel. Why is a Haftarah directed to a non-Jewish tribe which is distantly related to the Jewish people?

Dec. 9 - Parshat Vayeshev - pp. 233-237 One of the most ‘Soap Oper-istic’ passages ever. Judah is faced with a tough choice. Does he allow his daughter-in-law who had sexual relations outside of marriage to live or does he admit to being the culprit who got her pregnant?

Haftarat Vayeshev - pp. 247-249 Amos is famous! (Like the rhyme?) The first prophet in the Book of Prophets is fastidious about justice. He demands that Israel live a life of justice and decency. Intriguingly, he begins his speech directed towards Israel in a strange manner. Check out the second paragraph in the introduction on p. 246. The second sentence is very surprising!

Dec. 16 - CHANUKAH Parshat Miketz – pp. 257-265 Abraham and Isaac suffer from drought and famine and they temporarily move to another locale. How does Joseph respond to drought? What is different about Joseph and his lifestyle as a result of the drought?

Haftarat Miketz - pp. 1270-1272 This Haftarah speaks about a High Priest named Joshua. Why do we read this passage from a fairly unknown prophet named Zechariah?

Dec. 23 - Parshat Vayigash - pp. 279-282 Jacob travels to Egypt to reunite with Joseph. What does he do? How is he named as he begins this process? Haftarat Vayigash - pp. 291-292 The Haftarah describes a union between Joseph’s offspring tribe ( Efraim) and Judah? Why is this Haftarah paired with this Torah reading?

Dec. 30 - Parshat Vayechi - pp. 298-305 This is the last portion in the book of Bereisheet/Genesis. Elderly Jacob speaks to his sons as he anticipates his death. How do you view these final words? (blessings…/ something else?)

Haftarat Vayechi - pp. 313-314 David speaks to his son Solomon. What connects the Parshah to the Haftarah?