Our lives are continually shaped by our families. Whether born into a family or chosen by a family, whether large or small, the forces at work from youth until adulthood and beyond are colossal. Our identities are shaped in incalculable ways, dramatically affected by parents, siblings, spouses, children and other relatives; these are the primary influences of our psyches, our behaviors and our minds.
The moments of our lives and our loved ones’ lives and deaths are interwoven, giving rise to a tapestry of souls entwined with others. No thread stands alone; easily removed. Like a carpet which may fray at the edges, death takes a toll upon family life.
Interestingly, the references to mourning rites in this week's Parshah are made in terms of life and the impact of the death of loved ones upon the living relatives. Reading Leviticus chapter 22 we learn of the responses by the mourners as opposed to describing the person or persons who have died.
Center-stage are the mourners, not the deceased.
Jewish tradition has always focused on the here-and-now. Jewish tradition is this-worldly. Strikingly, the emphasis in the Torah is on how the mourners will respond to the deaths of their loved ones and how they are to continue on in their daily lives.
In no way do we consider the deceased unimportant. All who are reading this email know the emphasis given to honoring deceased relatives, rapid burial, Shemirah (watching over the deceased until burial), attending the funeral, the responsibility to observe seven days of Shiva. All of these elements speak to the significance of honoring the deceased but the focus is how it plays out in terms of the living, not the dead.
Paraphrasing verses in both last week’s Torah reading and this week's Torah reading- the best way of sanctifying God and of being holy is by treating people in a sacred manner. For us, holiness is a challenge within our grasp. Holiness (Kedushah in Hebrew) is an opportunity to connect to God via first connecting to each other, during daily life, in celebrating birth and mourning our loved ones.
May each and every loved one be remembered for a blessing-Zichrona l’vrachah.
Shabbat shalom.
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